What is it about oaves?
What is the plural of oaf?
Oafs?
Or Oaves?
The bigger question is why women like them. Oaves, that is. One of my 'work' colleagues is an oaf, and yet he has the most wonderful sweet girlfriend. What she sees in him, I'll never know, but love him she must, because they're getting married.
Imagine the giant atop the beanstalk - the one Jack climbed - and you have a good visualization of him. This guy has no neck, a huge body, a head like a pimple, and one of those haircuts that looks like someone slapped a furry doily on his melon.
When he walks, the ground shakes. One leg must be planted before the other can move. His face is a vision of monsterhood. His temper is on a hair-trigger, and he growls like a pained saskwatch.
Fee! Fie! Foe! Fum!
I smell the blood of an Englishman.
Be he 'live, or be he dead,
I'll grind his bones to make my bread.
Replace "Aussieman" for "Englishman" and you'll see what's happening in my life.
Go ahead, laugh if you want, but if you look up "Oaf" in the encyclopedia, the characteristics I have described perfectly match this guy. Self-preservation means devising ways to keep on his good side, lest he decide to grind me up to make a loaf. Ha ha, a loaf for the oaf. All very amusing if you're not a likely ingredient, my friends.
But don't worry about my health; what about his poor fiancée? Why the heck do women fancy oaves? (Or oafs?)
What other blogs are saying: An Oaf party, guys are oafs, ummm...yes, whatever.
Technorati: Oaf, Marriage, Monsters, Saskwatch.
32 comments:
Is he rich?
I must be dumb.
I've never heard of an oaf, let alone oaves...
If hes loaded (as in a lot of bread)you could call them "loafes"
ps I just skimmed through this post, and didnt see you had already made the 'loaf connection"
Great minds think alike. Haha
I personally have a preference for furry wombats, not big luggin' oafers. But that's just me....
Maybe he is just a big teddy bear when it comes to women?
(Or he is great in bed... but I didn't say that!)
He sounds hot. If things don't work out in his marriage, please pass him on to me.
Here they refer to oafes(oaves) as a hoss (hosses?).
I'm thinkin' he's either really good in bed or she just really needs therapy.
Therapy. There's no way a guy that ego-centric can be good in bed.
I can understand why young ladies go for sugar daddies, older gals like their toy boys or intelligent women that dig 'Tim nice but Dim'. But I can't for the life of me understand the attraction with yeti man.
Maybe they just want to get featured on Discovery channel?
Do I count as an oaf?
Is he just an oaf around other men? Or is he and oaf around other men when she is there as well?
Or is he just grumpy with you?
Who knows what the oaf lovers fancy about them. Shallow things perhaps?
Then again why the heck do some men fancy the uber bitches? More shallow things perhaps.
Because some girls just like them big and stupid.
Big and dumb does have a real attraction to it.
He's always bigger than you.
He can always protect, and serve :-). Opens jars in a manly way. He'll never use up your good shampoo or conditioner.
Another thing to think about...
We ladies ask the same thing about what I lovingly refer to as "chippies". The girls who are really not very pretty, have no personality but mirror back that of whomever they are speaking to, but DO have rockin' bods, and that strange (and beautiful) brand of cascading blond hair (DISCLAIMER. This is based on my experience. I'm sure chippies exist in all cultures...as does this blond hair). oh and perfect nails.
They are always walking around with the good looking, really interesting guys.
They might be the inverse of the oaf. It's quite possible this "sweet" girl of yours is just a chippie...and you can't see it because you're a guy.
Very rich or very hung or both.
IP, you're asking that question eliminates you from being one.
Oaves, never ever think they are.
Oaf! I love the word "oaf". Your plural is awfully charming. What would be the term for a group of oaves? You know, like a murder of crows.
A block of oaves.
A clump of oaves.
A mass of oaves.
You've seen the movie "Withnail and I", right? (If not, go see it before you finish reading this comment.) One of my favorite lines belongs to Withnail's ultra-fruity uncle, which he delivers with extreme drama when his cat knocks something over*, "Yet again that oaf has destroyed my day!"
I love "oaf" and I love "oaves". And I have to say, once someone gets termed an oaf they become sort of endearing to me. Maybe your co-worker's girlfriend could hear you thinking that he's an oaf and he suddenly became weirdly adorable.
*Maybe the cat didn't knock something over. But he did something wrong. Something little.
Sometimes it's as simple as he's good to her. While he's a terror to you and his colleagues, to her, he's a sweetheart.
And when you've been treated like shit by the schmuck of this world, what a guy looks like means little when he treats you like you're the world to him.
I guess some women liked to be thrown around like rag dolls that attracts them to Oafs (I'm sure that's the right plural! lol)
Attraction is a personal thing.
Me, I like guys who have a touch or more of asshole in them. Nice, soft, gentle guys just don't do it for me. They bore me.
I like the ones who give back as good as they get. A little bit of a smartass, a few 'what a jerk' qualities. Let's face it, I dish a lot of shit. They have to be able to take it and give it back.
A lid for every pot, etc. etc.
Fair enough too - different strokes for different folks - and generally I agree with that, but - when is enough, actually enough???
I have had to live with 'oaves', sleep with them (behave yourselves - you lot with the almost dirty minds - I mean in a COMMUNAL sense... that didn't really help much now - did it?! *sighhhh*), share a complete life with them because there's simply no where you can go on a ship to get away from people.
Oaves mightn't display their 'oafidity' in some settings - only letting it become apparent in others. I've served with many people who'd fall into this classification, and whether they were an oaf or not - at that particular time - simply didn't matter!
But as a fella watching a female friend on the receiving end of some serious oafish behaviour - well, I have to say, I found it very hard to be nothing but a spectator in such circumstances, and I don't doubt I've tripped over my own oafish feet at times too... so who am I do say really eh?!
Cheers ;-)
I have been in the presence of a friend when they've said, "Why do complete bitches get the good men?"
Later, after that female got a "good man," I was standing at the end of a bar waiting for her and her man to make their way over to me when I overheard someone say in their direction, "God, what is he doing with that bitch?"
Food for thought.
love is blind for a reason, sugar ;-)
Belongum! You're cute when you're flustered.
I just KNEW you'd call me on that one batbitch lol... ;-)
BatBitch,
yep, he is rich. Makes a difference, I imagine.
Miss A, you heard it here first. Never forget that. K&B isn't just frippery.
Enigma, great minds do. And he likes meatloaf too.
Princess, you have such good taste.
Exceptional One, neither of these things occurred to me. A teddy bear? Good in bed? Nah, not possible. Or at least I don't want to contemplate such horror.
Eileen, an Oaf is a Hoss? Really. Hard to believe, but since it's you, I do.
T-Shirt, I vote therapy. There must be something up with her head.
Middy, good thought. Boyfriend as documentary fodder. That explains all those ridiculous reality shows.
IP, no.
Girl, I think you're on to something here. Shallowness all around perhaps? Uber bitches. Heh.
Melissa, can I call you when I need some common sense next time? Thnx.
Kristy, I see it all now. An Oaf is the male equivalent chippie. Who knew? (Okay, you, but I didn't.) Thanks for the explanation.
NiteByrd, please tell me it's not because he has an oaf-sized penis. I hope she's got more to her than that.
Tina! How nice to see you! My vote is a Hog of Oaves. Oaf is weirdly adorable!?!?! You funny thing you. However that works, please let me know sometime.
*shakes head*
I can arrange for you to meet Oaf - a sawbuck says you won't adore him.
TC, fair point. In fact, I think you're on to something, because he takes out all his (obvious) frustrations with her on me and my colleagues.
Great. She gets happy, we get reamed.
VI, Oafs it is!
Swoofer, I can't get over the expression "...a lid for every pot..." Somehow thats mildly erotic.
Belongum, I completely understand what you are saying. But I see some razzing in your future.
Sipper, indeed. Perception is everything, apparently.
Savannah, blind, sure, but stupid too? Sigh. Love. *shrug*
and taste good too.
(sorry, i just couldn't resist... i'm weak like that)
Good Lord, LP, your avatar is showing her starfish.
Is that what she intends?
what's a starfish?
better? my leathers just came back from the dry cleaners...
It's the maiden in us, yearning to be protected by someone big and scary.
Even if his head looks like a pimple.
Not necessarily better, LP, just a little more modest is all.
Nice, clean leathers. Mmmmmmm.
Miss Milk, I see. Don't understand, but I see. Maybe Oaves are nicer to maidens.
They must be, otherwise how would they keep appearing everywhere?
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