That's me in the corner. With Elin.
You might have seen me standing there, away from the crowd, on my own. I am there because they're not my crowd, and I'm not their person.
Everyone in the world understands the details of or knows about or has experience with Makeup Sex except me. I don't think I ever had Makeup Sex, although I might have unwittingly had MS and mis-labelled it. It is possible that a session of Sunday Morning sex should have been scored as Makeup Sex, but I'm not certain.
When people talk about it, I stop talking to listen closely. When I find an article or blog post about it, I pay particular attention. And still I don't get it.
The problem is with me. My skew is that Makeup Sex follows a contretemps between a couple. More than a contretemps, does not Makeup Sex require an actual argument? I always thought that the trigger - or the cocking of the hammer - is a good ol' barney, with shouting and preferably something chucked at the other. But I could be wrong.
My deal is that I dislike argument, and will avoid it if at all possible. Argument to me is disagreement with heat. Argument is more about playing the man than the ball. And that's the big thing I want to avoid: moving from communicating contrary ideas to attacking a contrary person makes me nauseous.
Ergo, if Makeup Sex requires an argument, I've missed out, but it's possible that might be a good thing. In any case, I'm a minority of one, because apparently everyone else is getting their fair share. Except maybe Tiger.
Photo of Elin Woods from all over the internet.
4 comments:
If it makes you feel better Wombi, I'm not sure I've ever had make up sex either. If I've had a big fight with someone, the last thing I want to do is have sex with them.
Missing out? I don't think so. I just cuddle up with the knowledge that I won the fight (invariably) and that's enough to keep me happy :)...
Isn't there something on the Disagreement Continuum between communicating contrary ideas without *any* heat - and attacking?
Because people in a relationship inevitably piss each other off sometimes. There's going to be heat.
My guess is that Elin has been mightily pissed off for a long time (not just about the infidelities) but Tiger has so desperately wanted to avoid "arguing" that the problems weren't handled between them.
So instead, he checked out of the relationship.
I fear the checking-out is what men do when they avoid the heat.
I think there is another side to this as well. Like Doc Annie, I agree there is going to be heat. When relationships have been great, both sides were comfortable enough in the relationship, that conflict was "allowed" to be expressed. We were free enough that as long as we were attacking the issue and not each other, not only was there makeup sex - there was often mid fight sex as well.
I often realized when a relationship was over was the point where I didn't care enough to argue. But I may be odd in that I think conflict is not always a bad thing.
Belle, you're a woman of admirable qualities. Not least amongst them is honesty, for which I am grateful.
I suspect the scenario you describe plays out more often than we might think, but the evidence is thin.
We can form a club now can't we? Proposer and Seconder? The Never Had Makeup Sex Club. We need a more snappy name.
Yes, Doc, you'd hope a less polarized response choice exists. I wonder if it does. I sure hope so. :-)
Indeed, it's inevitable for two people in any kind of relationship to find friction. I spend time figuring out my own response to such a circumstance, because my ways of dealing to date sucked. It's a work in (forever) progress, I guess, but acknowledgment is a step towards some kind of decent response. Right?
It sure seems like you're right about Tiger.
Mid-fight sex? Provocateur, this is something completely new to me! How....kinda cool really. It sure proves your point about trusting the right person and their response to disagreement.
I rather like that idea. Mid-fight sex. Yep, that relies totally on arguing the issue, not the person. Maybe that's a good test. If the person will still have sex before the disagreement plays out, they're clearly talking issues, not the person.
Post a Comment