Pull Yourself to Bits

How refreshing to see male masturbation out in the open. Not completely out in the open, you understand, but on the teev. And not for reals, more acted out than naturalistic. From the waist up. Actually, it was more a hint than anything else. Still, for an act so popular and so little discussed it was a decent start.

Saturday night Mr Nights and I were watching Californication, Season One. I don't watch television, indeed don't even own one, so it was a treat to see so many naked women, gorgeous breasts and rampant shagging on the box. Where has this show been hiding? It's like twenty-seven minutes of guy fantasy/Penthouse letters acted by beautiful and sometimes teenaged women.

Episode Two, I think it was, showed a secondary character (a man) discovering naughty photographs of his sexetary on the internet. He does what every bloke with a pulse would do, to wit: grab his schlong and manipulate it to erection and orgasm. We don't see any of this, of course. The shot (camera shot) is of him behind a desk, head and torso only. Masturbation is implied.


Sidebar: Odd, to my mind, that all kinds of m/f congress is shown in this show, but the penis is evidently not yet ready for prime-time. Double standard, no? End sidebar.


My quibble about this male jerk-off scene is that it looked too much like the Meg Ryan orgasm scene from When Harry met Sally. Frankly, I thought her rendition was a little actorly, but Evan Handler's rendition of the male O in Californication was quite over the top. For a start he was too vocal. Masturbating men will tell you that it's all about what's going on in your brain, and the link between the physical manipulation and one's imagination. It's a silent, internal thing. Also, he lasted only about fifteen seconds, which is totally not the point. The idea of wanking is to prolong those endorphin-fuelled feelings for as long as possible; orgasm is just the icing on the cake.

Maybe a grunt or two at the crowning glory stage is normal, but all that gasping for breathe and "Oh God" shit is pure chick. (Although when one is having sex with a woman, it's natural to up the verbal communication factor. Natural and automatic, I submit.)

Which gives me an idea. I wonder if it wouldn't be smart for couples, early on in the relationship, to watch each other get themselves off. In fact, I'd go further and say the earlier, the better. It would save a lot of time finding out what the other person likes. First date masturbating? That might be taking it too far, but at least it's creative.



Bottoms Up, Self-Pleasurers!



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