Intimacy
If we distill what we're looking for, I think the liquor we want is intimacy.
Sex is a part of intimacy, but only if we understand the other person. The corollary is that we can have intimacy without sex. You might not agree with that, and I understand why. Intimacy, however, is like understanding mountains: you can climb them, or you can observe them. Either way you can be awed and changed. One need not preclude the other to find wonderment.
One non-negotiable element of intimacy is closeness. LDRs, phone sex, letters and sexting: none of these make for, or even add to, an intimate relationship.
Intimacy is way more about vulnerability than much else. Admission of weakness; owning up to uncertainty; willingness to risk emotional ruin: these are the inputs to an intimate time.
I'd go further. Some of the most intimate moments with women are those before sex arises. Tension between men and women magnifies the closeness, highlights what's missing. These are delicious seconds, or, if you can resist the urge to toss off your kit and shag, minutes.
Anticipation and delayed gratification. Damn them.
Bottoms Up, Delayers!
19 comments:
Couldn't agree more! Cheers, my dear!
And cheers to YOU, my dear! Those years of introspection and meaningless sex served SOME purpose.
Excellent!
I should add that I meant MY years of introspection and meaningless sex, AFANM, not yours. Ahem.
nice one wombsie. i like how you think intimacy is about vulnerability.
and you make anticipation sound so good although i'm a firm believer of instantaneous gratification myself ;)
Yes, LMA, vulnerability and willingness to show yourself to the other person. Lots of facades out there.
And I should say that IG is great too...as long as we recognize its limits. Which you do, right?
Nice post, Wombie. Finally have you back in action and in great form.
If you know me well enough by now, you know that in my world all things are scalable statistically. Intimacy is definitely one of those scalable items. Worthy even of a wombatgram.
In a relationship (I mean when you are both crazy about each other) Intimacy takes on a whole deeper meaning. Your whole relationship can take on a tantric aura. A phone call, a text, a touch of the hand, a caress, a kiss on the lips, a look into the eyes, a smell of the perfume, etc. etc. all begin to feed into the place in our soul that feeds our spirit.
I know many people that are afraid of intimacy. They still for some reason deeply desire it. It just scares the hell out of them. It certainly for as many reasons as there are people. But some people just avoid 'change' at all costs.
Intimacy will change you. And I think that's cool.
Thanks for bringing up the subject, Wombie.
Happy Holidays to all!!!!
I think this is my favorite post of yours ever.
Mr. Wombat, I really love this post of yours.
I've always thought about this level of closeness in a relationship as cliff diving. Not that I have done it many times (neither cliff diving nor getting to this level of intimacy with someone), but the day I did so, I was absolutely sure I was willing to take the risk.
I hope this makes sense.
Happy Holidays!
Yes you can have intimacy without sex. And vice versa.
I miss talking to you. (by talking I mean emailing of course, since we never got round to skype-ing!)
Mr Nights, you surpass even your own high comment standard. Wonderfully insightful, thank you.
Ah, Doc30ty, I'm pleased to please you :-)
Cliff-diving, YES, Katherina. Completely makes sense, because although we think the outcome of intimacy is known, it involves another person. THAT'S where it can go wrong. Choose the wrong person (or the right person at the wrong time) and we're dashed on the rocks rather than gracefully entering the water.
After our long dive, to use your metaphor.
Mary Jane, I note that you're somewhat of an expert on both sides of the intimate/non-intimate curve. I think Mr Nights is right, Wombatgram required.
Some of the most intimate times I have experienced recently:
1; Having chocolate, cheese, Bombay Gin and Tonic brought to me, along with thick woolly socks, track pants , and a jumper covered in cat fur.
2; Doing a fashion parade for him of my different outfits, whilst he lay on the lounge, drinking the G&T, watching me.And, so many other things with him.
Anticipation and delayed gratification. Damn them. And LDR.
I love this part:
"Intimacy is way more about vulnerability than much else. Admission of weakness; owning up to uncertainty; willingness to risk emotional ruin: these are the inputs to an intimate time."
Dead on.
Why, Enigma, how nice to hear from you.
I'm in agreement that intimacy comes in many different garbs, and I'm impressed with your latest intimate moment, it sounds like a case of happy give-and-take.
Woolly sox? Who'd have thought?
Hmmm, I kinda like that in retrospect too, Snafbabe. Katherina's cliffdiving metaphor looks better and better.
Wooly sox can be very intimate, And sharing cat fur is always intimate:)
Anonymous, have you been rooting around in my drawers?
Why yes wombie, I have:)
How right you are - sexting texting phone sex and so on do nothing for intimacy, on the contrary.
Texting instead of speaking is a great way to avoid being vulnerable, thus avoind intimacy, which in the end is our goal. Sad.
A surprisingly insightful post on your behalf, sir.
Anon, you secret squirrel spygirl you ;-)
Ah, quite so, Arlene, you highlighted the fatal flaw of txtng; nothing's at stake. Therefore it cannot, by definition be intimate.
Why thank-you Miss Larissa. I appreciate your compliment. Happy 2011 to you.
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