On The Couch

Danielle's photo from here.

Never having consulted a relationship therapist, I sometimes wonder how these things go.

Does the conversation start along the lines of:

So, you like this girl?

Or:

He left you?

Or even:

She wants you to do what?

Somehow, I doubt matters are this simple, and even though the array of human cruelty to other humans is infinite, stuff does tend to fall into relatively clear-cut categories.

Old-fashioned as it seems, I'm still a man who values action over words. A modicum of observation will tell you everything you need to know about anyone close or close-ish to you. Their thoughts are positively SCREAMING at you, should you have the calmness to see.

Professional interpretation, in my opinion, might lead to more cloud than clear sky.

And over-thinking gets you no-where. I suspect therapy is mostly about over-thinking.

But what would I know?





Bottoms Up, Couchistas.

Constant Change

Diane Farr pic from TV Guide

The dilemma for the curious person is this:

A stable partner is good for all sorts of reasons.

But a little instability in one's life is also good, particularly in one's sex life. Being off balance makes us work new muscles. The trick is to not topple.

Once you've found someone with whom you have a groove, it's natural to want to keep it. If we mesh, the machinery of life whirs wonderfully.

We all change and morph over time, and so do the things that turn us on or turn us off.

With one partner, unless we're both concentrating on keeping it interesting, the risk is of falling into a rut.

And the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

I'm not advocating cheating or weird marital arrangements - neither will work. Thinking about how to encourage one's partner to be open to a little exploration, now that might be just the (small) off-centredness we need.




Bottoms Up, Changelings.

Love, Sex and Intimacy - Wombatgram #13

Click on Wombatgram to enlarge.

Is it possible that the troika of love, sex and intimacy circumscribe our relationship life?

If so, the volume of each element varies with the nature of each relationship, as does the geometry between them.

We'll all be different.




Bottoms Up, Thinkers.

Intimacy

If we distill what we're looking for, I think the liquor we want is intimacy.

Sex is a part of intimacy, but only if we understand the other person. The corollary is that we can have intimacy without sex. You might not agree with that, and I understand why. Intimacy, however, is like understanding mountains: you can climb them, or you can observe them. Either way you can be awed and changed. One need not preclude the other to find wonderment.

One non-negotiable element of intimacy is closeness. LDRs, phone sex, letters and sexting: none of these make for, or even add to, an intimate relationship.

Intimacy is way more about vulnerability than much else. Admission of weakness; owning up to uncertainty; willingness to risk emotional ruin: these are the inputs to an intimate time.

I'd go further. Some of the most intimate moments with women are those before sex arises. Tension between men and women magnifies the closeness, highlights what's missing. These are delicious seconds, or, if you can resist the urge to toss off your kit and shag, minutes.

Anticipation and delayed gratification. Damn them.



Bottoms Up, Delayers!