Feet of Clay

Helene Fischer photo credit.

Unformed thoughts are the clay surrounding the part-time writer's feet. There is one thought that's gradually making its way out of the earth, coagulating into something vaguely worthwhile, and it's this: the envelope. I think we daters and searchers for the one have an envelope problem.

Aviation types talk about the envelope quite a bit. The envelope is the closed line drawn on a piece of paper that defines the capabilities of an aeroplane - airplane for you North American types. Stay within the line, and you remain within the parameters of what the plane can do. It includes everything from the stresses of speed and g-force to the range on a given amount of fuel. The envelope corrals the machine. Importantly, every machine has its own defining characteristics creating a distinctive-looking envelope.

So the unformed thought is that every individual has a life envelope too. Some parts of life we all know - eating, drinking, breathing - but there are tons of specific experiences that define who we are. Lots of these, along with their combination, go a long way to telling others just who we are. And maybe, just maybe, we should look for someone with a similar envelope.

Perhaps finding someone with a similar envelope is a better way to find someone compatible. That's all.



Bottoms Up, Adventurers.

Man 1.0

Photo credit. 

Civilization depends in large part upon men curbing their instincts. Restraint, self-discipline, filtering, gratification denial; call it what you like, it's all about out-thinking the first reaction.

In a monogamous relationship, it's natural for a woman to want to see a little (or, umm, a lot?) of the unrestricted male. I don't mean violence, of course. That's where trust comes in. But for everyone's benefit, raising the gate on a few more basic instincts leads to a happier experience. How many times have I heard women ask:

How do you really feel?

or

Just let go!

or variations thereof.

Not so easy. Curtailing the civilization software and (temporarily) re-installing Man 1.0 requires practice and understanding. My practice and your understanding.

Now. Where are those 5 1/4" floppy disks?



Bottoms Up, Coders.

Wingmaniac

Thinking you're a good Wingman and exhibiting good Wingman skills aren't the same thing. A useful Wingman should...well, just what constitutes a good Wingman?


A competent Wingman or Wingwoman should:

-> Act in the interests of the Leader at all times

-> Put themselves second in the pursuit of a mate (deferring to the Leader)

-> Do whatever works in attracting likely love interests (for the Leader)

-> Give honest and accurate feedback to the Leader

Wingmanship is all about unselfishness and reflecting of one's ability to attract (however small) back onto the other guy. It's like being a birdfeeder next to a cat's hiding place. Here birdie, look at the tasty sunflower seeds.

But when my Leader said the following, he needed to hear the truth:

Okay, Wombat. When Stephanie comes in, I want you to find a way to let her know that I'm interested, but I need to know she's not just being touchy-feely, and really wants to be touchy-feely.

Hmmm. This sounds bad. Male uncertainty resolves only rarely in his favour. And, as expected, Stephanie arrived in a wave of perfume and hugs...for everyone. She did reserve special attention for my Leader, but the energy shouted "amused interest" rather than "take me now". Although I have to say there was a spark of something there, to which my buddy had assigned sexual possibility.




So I invoked Wingman's Responsibility #4. He needed to know that while Steph was certainly worthy of his exploration, the green lights he saw where faux. His instinct was telling him this, hence my involvement.


When she's really interested, you'll be in no doubt, I advised. Oh. And when she's over her ex. 






Bottoms Up, Wingpeople.

Top Ten Lies Heard On a First Date

+ Wow. That's fascinating!

+ Abstinence works for me.

+ Teacup chihuahua - my favourite dog.

+ I agree. Mini-breaks at romantic bed and breakfasts are FUN.

+ Tell me again about how you found your shoes.

+ I want to settle down too.

+ I've always wanted to learn all about fantasy football.

+ You're right: Love is everything.

+ Of course. I'm having a great time.

+ I'm wondering why I haven't met you before.






Bottoms Up, Honest Injuns.

Party Time Insanity

At a recent Saturday night party...

Wombat: You said you hadn't been out much in three years.

Meredith: Yeah. Bad divorce. I only felt like being alone.

Wombat: Shit. That must have sent you nuts. Just staying at home, that is.

Meredith: Oh, for sure.

Wombat (jocularly): On a scale of one to ten, how crazy are you, Meredith?

Meredith (matter-of-factly): I'd say...around fifty-six or -seven.

Wombat (with fading smile) : * crickets *

...



Bottoms Up, Fellow Crazies.