Don't Stop the Dance

Zoe Saldana photo credit. 

Nineteen eighty-five just might represent the apogee of the music video. Weak, qualified statements don't make for good arguments, however, so I'll take a deep breath and say it: The Eighties were the Golden Age of Music Video.

There. Solidity. Definition.

I've taken to asking people what one tune they can point to that categorically changed their lives. Music's a universal, so I figure that it's a useful common denominator that written or spoken language isn't. Others, strangers, musicians, express what we feel better than ourselves.

And although this isn't my all-time-change-tune, it's from 1985. The Golden Age. Let's not change the dance, eh?




Bottoms Up, Looking Back In Wisdomers.

All The Power. Women Have All the Power.

 Elisabetta Gregoraci photo credit.

I know she was testing me, because no other explanation works.


The casually over-opened blouse, the lingering lean-over, these are the weapons of war. It's not a conventional war - in the parlance, this is an asymmetric battle.

Winning and losing are fuzzily defined. For instance, do I win or lose by giving into temptation, allowing my gaze to drop below her neck?  The upside is that I see some bra, definitely, and some portion of breast.
 .
If I steel myself and exhibit self-restraint by not checking her out, does she notice and figure that she needs more firepower next time? Or is she disgusted by failure to compliment her with a gaze at her goodies? 

Either way, I am outgunned and suffer from hopeless intelligence.


Bottoms Up, Wandering Eyes.

I Want to Buy You Shoes. Not Really.

People are such sticklers for what's right and wrong to say on a date. Or what to/not to wear. Enthusiasm for strippers creates contempt. And honesty gets you ejected from the train one stop short of that.

Then again, there might be a reason why women react poorly to all of the above. Plus they hate manboobs.

Worth a read.



Bottoms Up, Over-Reachers.

Groupon

Before too long, we won't refer to people as:

This is Amelia - she's from my book club.

It'll be all:

Let me introduce Suzette - we're members of the same swingers' group.

Which has benefits. Instead of ploughing through insufferable Oprah-approved tomes of PC claptrap, we'll be talking about...how that broad likes being ploughed wheelbarrow-style, how that one likes a little suffocation, and how to deal with The Clap. In a mutually supportive and compassionate way, of course. 

Swingers, too, want to make a difference. Or, more accurately, want someone different - a lot of someones different. It's all the same, though, right?

Be careful, however. Not everyone is hip to group sex as the new social networking. Pity Deborah Sherman, who lost her gig with a Denver television station. As the Denver Post delicately asked:

Did her termination have something to do with the story about a prescription-abusing doctor, whom Sherman met on a swinger website? 

Titanic. Debster's been unfairly victimized here, but I sense there's more to the story. Work for an investigative journalist perhaps?



Bottoms Up, Bottoms Uppers.

Buffing Your Lucky

Here's a recipe:

  ~ Find one ripe woman whose divorce finalized within the last week.

  ~ Add five of her sorority sisters in town for the weekend.

  ~  Wrap all six in sexy dresses and tasty heels.

  ~ Supply them with two cars and designated drivers for the night. 

  ~ Marinate the ladies in quality vodka and just enough bar snacks.

Serve to any lecherous man within five-inch heel walking distance.

After a couple of hours and three nightspots, the mission of the night became clear - to find the recently singlefied Sister a new man. In essence, her married Greeks chat up whatever blokes they found with complete deniability - it's not for them, they're finding a new dude for her.

They're buffing her lucky. (Peals of uninhibited laughter.)








Bottoms Up, Pledgers.

Sexy is as Sexy Does

 Catherine Bell's cleavage credit.

Be advised that anything I write about online dating refers to women only. Although you would think that checking out the opposition [read: other guys hawking their fork] a smart strategy, doing so is beyond me. Comfort with one's sexuality is one thing - deliberately investigating dudes is quite another.

Can't. Tell. Internet. I. Want. To. Look. At. Men.

So I rely on you, dear reader, to tell stories of male profile quirks.

Spectacular as bulk online Lady Catalogues are, my interest is in the detail. One popular specific self-descriptor is that of "sexy", as in:

"...I'm a sexy, giving, mother of two looking to find a real man..."

I see. A cynic might translate this as:

"...I like sex (a lot) but will be restricted by these damn kids and your own dick's reliability..."

But I'm not a cynic. I'm a realist, and therefore think that sexiness lies in the eye of the beholder.  Surely I get to determine if you're sexy?...And your very presence online contraindicates.

Hmmm. Perhaps I am a cynic.




Bottoms Up, Self- Assessors.

Plenty of Cheap

Shannon Corey's pic credit.

I log into Plentyoffish and head for the search page. I complete the fields - male seeking female, input an appropriate age range, supply my locale - and here's what pops up;


SEARCH RESULTS - Pages 0 to 9 out of 600+ results are shown below.

Six-hundred-plus women.

Six-hundred.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One of my arguments against online dating is that it encourages viewing people as a commodity. It's the Walmart Syndrome:

Well, I'm looking for a beach towel, so I can spend twenty-five dollars for one that's well-made and long-lasting, or I can go to Walmart and buy five that are ugly and won't last the summer.

About which one can only say  - yep, it's a low-rent world 'coz everyone wants it cheap.





Bottoms Up Cost Firsters.

Foreclosure

 Christiana Credit.

Hey. I hear you and {the girlfriend} have split.*

Yeah. We're in foreclosure.

How so?

Well, we figured that neither one of us had been making payments on the relationship for a while. 

So we just let it slide. Let the bank take it back, you know.

That seems kinda bloodless. You two had been together for, what, two years?

*shrugs* I guess. But when you're that far upside-down, sometimes there's nothing else to do.

And what if someone picks her up as a short sale?  

You can be a real prick, you know that?

Bottoms Up, Investors.


* Me talking.